The Journal · ego defences

12 October 2026 · 20 min read

The deck used to illustrate this post is The Shadows We Cast Tarot by Nicky Ferrada. You can browse more in our shadow work tarot decks.

What if the behaviours we dislike most about ourselves are actually the parts of us trying hardest to protect us?

When we begin exploring shadow work through Tarot, we often expect to discover hidden fears, old wounds, difficult emotions or aspects of ourselves that we would rather not acknowledge. But sometimes the shadow is not hidden in a dramatic secret or buried memory. Sometimes it appears in the way we react.

We become defensive when someone criticises us. We withdraw when a relationship becomes emotionally difficult. We insist that something does not bother us when, deep down, it does. We blame someone else because admitting our own part feels uncomfortable. We become perfectionists because making a mistake feels unbearable.

These responses can be understood as ego defences.

The word "ego" can sometimes sound negative, particularly within spiritual communities. But in psychology, ego defences are not simply signs of selfishness or an inflated ego. They are ways the mind attempts to protect us from psychological discomfort and this is where Tarot and shadow work can meet beautifully.

Tarot does not need to tell us that something is "wrong" with us. Instead, it can provide a reflection through which we can gently explore our reactions, patterns and protective behaviours.

The question changes from:

"What's wrong with me?"

to:

"What am I protecting myself from?"

That is a very different journey.

What Are Ego Defences?

An ego defence is an unconscious or automatic psychological response that helps us manage thoughts, feelings or experiences that feel threatening, uncomfortable or overwhelming. We may not consciously decide to use a particular defence. It can simply happen.

Someone criticises us and suddenly we are defending ourselves.

Someone expresses disappointment and we immediately explain why it was not our fault. A difficult emotion arises and we find ourselves busying ourselves with something else.

Someone gets too close emotionally and we pull away. We feel vulnerable and make a joke. We are frightened of failing, so we set impossibly high standards for ourselves.

These behaviours may have developed for very understandable reasons.

Perhaps, at some point in our lives, they helped us cope.

A person who learned that vulnerability resulted in rejection may have learned to keep their emotions hidden. Someone who experienced harsh criticism may have developed perfectionism as a way of avoiding mistakes. Someone who grew up in an unpredictable environment may have learned to remain hyper-independent because relying upon others did not feel safe.

The defence itself may not have been the problem.

It may have been the solution available to us at the time.

Shadow work allows us to ask whether that solution is still necessary. A useful shadow-work question is:

"Was this behaviour once protecting me and is it still protecting me now?"

That question creates compassion where self-judgement might otherwise appear.

Why Ego Defences Are Important in Shadow Work

Shadow work is often described as bringing unconscious material into conscious awareness. Our shadows can contain feelings, memories, desires, fears, beliefs and behaviours that we have pushed away or learned not to acknowledge. But our defences can also become part of that shadow. We may not realise that we are avoiding something because avoidance has become habitual. We may not recognise that we are projecting because what we see in another person feels completely obvious to us. We may not realise that our anger is protecting a much more vulnerable emotion underneath.

This is why self-awareness is such an important part of shadow work.

Instead of immediately trying to change a behaviour, we can become curious about it.

What happened?

What did I feel?

How did I react?

What was I trying to avoid?

What was I trying to protect?

What might I have been afraid would happen if I responded differently?

Tarot can be an extraordinarily useful journaling companion for this process.

Common Ego Defences and How They Can Appear

There are many different psychological defence mechanisms and they can be complex. For the purposes of Tarot shadow work, however, we can explore some of the more recognisable patterns.

Denial

Denial involves refusing or resisting a reality that feels too uncomfortable to acknowledge.

We might say:

"It doesn't bother me."

"Everything is fine."

"I don't care."

Yet our emotions, behaviour or body may tell a different story.

A Tarot card can help us gently question what we may be unwilling to see.

Journal question:

What truth am I finding difficult to acknowledge?

The Seven of Swords can represent sidestepping an uncomfortable truth, quietly slipping away from responsibility, or attempting to convince ourselves that something is not happening.

The defence: “If I don't acknowledge it, I don't have to deal with it.”

The shadow beneath:

Fear of consequences, shame, vulnerability or the pain of admitting something to ourselves.

Journaling question:

What truth might I be avoiding because acknowledging it would require me to change?

Projection

Projection occurs when we attribute feelings, motives or qualities that belong to ourselves to another person.

For example, we may accuse someone of being controlling while struggling with our own need for control. This does not mean that every criticism we make is projection. Sometimes another person's behaviour really is problematic.

The shadow-work approach is simply to ask:

"Why is this particular behaviour affecting me so strongly?"

Journal question:

What might this person be reflecting back to me?

The Moon is a particularly evocative card for projection. Our fears, insecurities and unacknowledged feelings can colour how we interpret another person's words and actions.

The defence: “They are the ones who are angry, jealous or untrustworthy.”

The shadow beneath:

Feelings or traits within ourselves that we struggle to recognise, accept or tolerate.

Journaling question:

Could the quality that troubles me in another person have any connection to something I find difficult to acknowledge in myself?

Rationalisation

Rationalisation happens when we create logical explanations for behaviour that may actually have been emotionally driven.

We may say:

"I didn't want that job anyway."

after being rejected.

Or:

"I stopped speaking to them because they're difficult."

When underneath the anger is hurt, disappointment or fear.

Reason and logic are valuable, but sometimes we use them to avoid feeling.

Journal question:

Am I explaining my feelings rather than actually feeling them?

Justice represents reason, logic and weighing evidence. In its shadow expression, these strengths can be recruited to justify a decision we have already made emotionally.

The defence:

“I had no choice. It was the only sensible thing to do.”

The shadow beneath:

A need to protect our self-image, avoid guilt or make a painful choice seem entirely reasonable.

Journaling question:

Am I examining the reasons for my decision honestly, or am I using logic to defend something I don't want to question?

Avoidance

Avoidance is one of the easiest defences to recognise. We simply do not go there. We do not have the conversation. We do not open the message. We do not look at the feeling. We do not ask the difficult question and we distract ourselves instead.

Avoidance can provide temporary relief, but the underlying issue remains.

Journal question:

What am I afraid might happen if I stop avoiding this?

Oh, our dear Hermit! You and I know how valuable solitude can be. The Hermit represents genuine introspection, wisdom and restorative retreat. But in its shadow expression, withdrawal can become a way to escape difficult emotions, conflict or intimacy.

The defence: “I am better off on my own. I don't need to deal with this.”

The shadow beneath:

Fear of rejection, confrontation, disappointment or emotional exposure.

Journaling question:

Am I choosing solitude because it nourishes me, or am I retreating because something feels too difficult to face?

Deflection

Deflection moves attention away from something uncomfortable. Someone raises an issue with us and suddenly we bring up something they did months ago. A difficult question is asked and we change the subject.

We turn the conversation into someone else's behaviour rather than examining our own.

Journal question:

What am I trying not to look at?

The Magician is a fascinating choice because of its ability to direct attention. In its shadow expression, that skill can become a way of steering a conversation away from something uncomfortable.

The defence: “Let's talk about something else,” or “What about what you did?”

The shadow beneath:

Discomfort with accountability, fear of criticism or an inability to sit with an uncomfortable feeling.

Journaling question:

When a difficult subject arises, do I remain present, or do I redirect attention away from myself?

People-Pleasing

People-pleasing can become a defence against rejection, conflict or disapproval. We may automatically say yes when we mean no or we may suppress our own needs. We may change ourselves depending upon who we are with.

The difficulty is that the desire to keep everyone else comfortable can eventually disconnect us from ourselves.

Journal question:

Whose approval am I trying to secure and what do I fear might happen if they disapprove of me?

The Six of Pentacles explores giving, receiving, generosity and the balance of power. Its shadow can illustrate giving too much in the hope of securing acceptance, affection or a sense of belonging.

The defence:

“If I keep everyone happy, they will love me and won't leave.”

The shadow beneath:

Fear of rejection, abandonment or being considered selfish when asserting personal needs.

Journaling question:

When I give to others, am I giving freely, or am I hoping to earn something I find difficult to ask for directly?

Perfectionism

Perfectionism can look like ambition, but sometimes it is rooted in fear. If we never make a mistake, perhaps nobody can criticise us. If everything is under control, perhaps nothing can go wrong. If we achieve enough, perhaps we will finally feel worthy.

Tarot shadow work can help us explore the fear underneath the perfectionism.

Journal question:

What do I believe would happen if I allowed myself to be imperfect?

The Eight of Pentacles represents dedication, practice and mastery. In its shadow expression, the desire to improve can become a relentless demand to get everything right before we feel worthy, safe or good enough.

The defence:

“If I do everything perfectly, nobody can criticise me.”

The shadow beneath:

Fear of failure, criticism, exposure or the belief that our worth depends on achievement.

Journaling question:

What do I fear would happen if I allowed myself to be imperfect?

There are other ego defences that we employ and there is plenty of information out there if you wish to read about them further.

Using Tarot to Explore Ego Defences

Tarot is not a diagnostic tool and a Tarot card cannot tell us that we have a particular psychological disorder or definitively identify a defence mechanism. Instead, we can use the cards as reflective prompts. The card gives us an image, symbol or archetype to contemplate and we bring our own experience to the conversation.

This is particularly valuable in shadow work because Tarot gives the conscious mind something tangible to engage with while we explore material that may otherwise remain difficult to articulate.

Rather than asking:

"What does this card say about me?"

try asking:

"What does this card make me notice about myself?"

That small shift changes the reading from prediction to self-exploration.

Reading Tarot Through the Lens of Ego Defence

The beauty of shadow work Tarot is that we don't have to interpret every card literally.

For example, imagine drawing the Four of Pentacles when asking about emotional defences.

Rather than simply interpreting the card as money, security or holding on, you might ask:

What am I afraid to let go of?

Where am I holding myself tightly?

What would happen if I loosened my grip?

The Nine of Wands might prompt:

What am I protecting myself from?

Have I become so accustomed to defending myself that I no longer know when the danger has passed?

The Seven of Swords might encourage questions around avoidance:

What truth am I quietly stepping around?

Where might I be avoiding something I know I need to face?

The Queen of Swords could raise questions about emotional distance:

Have I turned independence into a form of protection?

And The Devil might invite us to explore the patterns we have become bound to:

What behaviour has become so familiar that I no longer question it?

None of these interpretations is absolute.

The card is not giving us a psychological diagnosis. It is opening a door.

The Ego Defence Shadow Work Tarot Spread

This six-card Tarot spread is designed to explore a recurring reaction, behaviour or emotional pattern.

Before beginning, choose something relatively manageable to explore.

Shadow work can bring up powerful emotions and it is not necessary to deliberately search for your deepest trauma in a Tarot reading.

Begin with curiosity rather than judgement.

Card 1, What am I protecting myself from?

Look beneath the behaviour.

What fear, emotion or vulnerability might be underneath the reaction?

Card 2, What defence do I instinctively use?

How do you protect yourself?

Do you withdraw, become defensive, control the situation, please others, intellectualise, deny, blame, avoid or distract yourself?

Allow the imagery of the card to suggest possibilities.

Card 3, When does this defence appear?

What circumstances activate it?

Is it connected to criticism, intimacy, conflict, rejection, uncertainty, loss of control or feeling unseen?

Card 4, What is this defence trying to do for me?

This is perhaps the most important card in the spread.

Instead of attacking the defence, understand it.

What is it attempting to protect?

What positive intention might be hidden inside it?

Card 5, What does this defence prevent me from seeing?

Every defence protects something, but it can also hide something.

What emotion, truth, need or possibility is being kept outside your awareness?

Card 6, What would a healthier response look like?

This is not about demanding that you suddenly behave perfectly.

What small, conscious alternative could you choose next time?

A Tarot Journal Exercise

Once the six cards are laid out, do not rush immediately into interpretation.

Spend some time simply looking at the images.

• Notice which card makes you uncomfortable.

• Notice which card you want to dismiss.

• Notice which card feels strangely familiar.

Sometimes the strongest reaction is the most interesting place to begin.

Write:

"The card I least want to look at is..."

Then ask:

Why?

Continue writing without trying to make your answer sound sensible.

You might discover:

"This card reminds me of a part of myself I don't like."

Then ask:

What don't I like about it?

And:

When have I behaved this way?

Finally:

What was I protecting?

This is where Tarot journaling can become much more powerful than simply recording card meanings.

The journal becomes a conversation between the conscious self and the parts of ourselves that we have learned to keep hidden.

From Trigger to Choice

One of the most useful ways to understand ego defences is to look at the sequence of events.

Trigger → Emotion → Defence → Awareness → Choice

For example:

Someone criticises us.

• Trigger: We receive criticism.

• Emotion: We feel shame, fear or inadequacy.

• Defence: We become angry and immediately defend ourselves.

• Awareness: We recognise that the anger arrived very quickly and may be protecting something more vulnerable.

• Choice: Instead of reacting automatically, we pause.

We might say:

"I'm feeling defensive, so I need a moment before I respond."

That pause is important.

Shadow work is not necessarily about preventing ourselves from ever becoming angry, defensive, frightened or avoidant again. It is about creating enough awareness to recognise what is happening and once we can recognise the pattern, we have something incredibly valuable:

choice.

Shadow Work Is Not About Destroying the Shadow

There is a temptation within spiritual and personal-growth communities to believe that healing means eliminating everything we consider undesirable.

We might imagine that the goal of shadow work is to become endlessly calm, compassionate, healed and self-aware.

But human beings are much more complicated than that.

We will still become defensive.

We will still make mistakes.

We will still avoid things.

We will still sometimes say something we wish we hadn't.

The goal is not perfection.

The goal is consciousness.

Instead of saying:

"I shouldn't be like this."

we can ask:

"Why am I like this?"

Instead of:

"I need to get rid of this part of myself."

we can ask:

"What does this part of me need?"

And instead of:

"Why did I react like that?"

we can ask:

"What was I trying to protect?"

This is where shadow work becomes compassionate rather than punitive.

Meeting the Protector Within

Perhaps the most useful image for working with ego defences is that of the protector. Imagine that every defence developed because some part of you believed it was necessary.

The perfectionist says:

"If I get everything right, I won't be criticised."

The people-pleaser says:

"If I keep everyone happy, nobody will leave."

The avoider says:

"If I don't face it, it can't hurt me."

The controller says:

"If I stay in control, nothing unexpected can happen."

The emotionally distant part says:

"If I don't let anyone close, nobody can hurt me."

We do not have to agree with these beliefs, but we can listen to them.

Tarot gives us a beautiful symbolic language through which to do that.

We can sit with the image.

We can journal.

We can ask questions.

We can allow the uncomfortable card to remain on the table without immediately trying to explain it away and gradually, something changes.

The behaviour that once seemed like an enemy can begin to look like an old protector.

A protector that may simply need to learn that we are no longer living in exactly the circumstances in which it first developed.

Questions for Your Tarot Journal

If you would like to explore ego defences further, try journaling with these questions:

• What situations make me become defensive?

• What criticism is particularly difficult for me to hear?

• What emotion do I find hardest to express?

• What do I do when I feel vulnerable?

• What do I do when I feel rejected?

• Where in my life do I avoid difficult conversations?

• Do I tend to blame, withdraw, control, please or rationalise?

• What behaviour in other people triggers a disproportionately strong reaction in me?

• Could I be seeing something in another person that I find difficult to acknowledge in myself?

• What am I afraid people might discover about me?

• What would happen if I allowed myself to be imperfect?

• What am I trying to control?

• What am I afraid would happen if I surrendered that control?

• Which part of myself am I judging most harshly?

• What might that part of me be trying to protect?

• What would compassion look like here?

• What choice could I make differently next time?

A Final Reflection

Ego defences are not proof that we are broken.

They are evidence that we are human.

Most of us have developed ways of navigating the world that once helped us feel safer, more accepted, more in control or less vulnerable. Some of those strategies may still serve us.

Others may have outlived the circumstances that created them.

Shadow work gives us the opportunity to notice the difference.

Tarot can help us pause long enough to see the pattern.

It can give an image to something we have struggled to put into words.

It can ask the question we have been avoiding and perhaps most importantly, it can help us approach ourselves with curiosity rather than judgement.

The next time you find yourself reacting in a way that feels automatic, try pausing before criticising yourself.

Take a breath.

Ask:

What am I protecting myself from?

What is this reaction trying to do for me?

What am I afraid would happen if I responded differently?

And finally:

Do I still need this protection in the same way?

That is the heart of Tarot shadow work.

Not becoming someone who has no shadows.

But becoming conscious enough to recognise them when they appear and compassionate enough to listen to what they have been trying to tell us.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are ego defences?

Ego defences are unconscious or automatic psychological responses that help us manage thoughts, feelings or experiences that feel threatening, uncomfortable or overwhelming. We do not consciously decide to use them. They can simply happen and they often began as a way of coping at a difficult time in our lives.

How are ego defences connected to shadow work?

Shadow work brings unconscious material into conscious awareness. Our defences can become part of that shadow, because habits such as avoidance, blame or perfectionism can feel so familiar that we no longer notice them. Becoming curious about them, rather than judging them, is a gentle way into shadow work.

Can Tarot diagnose a defence mechanism?

No. Tarot is not a diagnostic tool and a card cannot tell us that we have a particular psychological disorder. Instead, the cards work as reflective prompts, giving us an image, symbol or archetype to contemplate while we bring our own experience to the conversation.

Which Tarot cards can help me explore ego defences?

Any card can open the door, but some lend themselves to particular patterns. The Seven of Swords can speak to denial, The Moon to projection, Justice to rationalisation, The Hermit to avoidance, The Magician to deflection, the Six of Pentacles to people-pleasing and the Eight of Pentacles to perfectionism. You can also try the Four of Pentacles, the Nine of Wands, the Queen of Swords or The Devil.

How do I begin exploring my own ego defences with Tarot?

Start with something relatively manageable rather than your deepest wound and approach it with curiosity rather than judgement. You could draw a single card and journal on what it makes you notice, or try the six-card Ego Defence Shadow Work Tarot Spread above. If something feels overwhelming, it is perfectly fine to pause and return another time.

•♡• May your path be illuminated, your intuition trusted and your cards always reveal the wisdom you seek. Until next time… welcome to The Guilded Veil •♡•